Survivor Cook Island

Episode Thirteen – The One Where Dweeze Gives New Meaning To Phoning It In

by Dweeze

Previously on Survivor: The worst wet t-shirt contest ever. Read about it here. And read the onefrom the week before, too, because it was the BEST SUMMARY EVER WRITTEN. Okay, back at camp. Post-Jonathan camp is a peaceful, beautiful place, whereeveryone dreams of finally getting past the turmoil and setting the world right again. Sort of like the United States will be on January 21, 2009.

You know, I’m just going to phone this one in. I need to get it posted before the finale summary goes up, and it’s not like very many are reading anyway. So here goes.

Adam/Parvati angle to stay in game.

Adam/Paravti realize one of them needs to win reward or Adam is going to Exile Island again. Or going to see Exile perform again, which would be just as bad.

Mud wrestling – oh boy! Okay, collect mud on your body, dump it in a bucket, see which bucket weighs the most. Winner goes to spa. So do second and third place finishers. None of this “choose who goes with you” stuff.
Parvati has a nice body. Sundra may as well, though it’s tough to tell.

Ozzy wins – surprise! Yul and Parvati finish second and third. Adam goes to Exile. Sundra and Becky go back to camp.

Becky tells Sundra that Ozzy is too competitive and that they should vote him out. Maybe toss the Raro’s first?Cut to spa. Naked hot-tubbing as clothes are washed. Parvati half-heartedly hits on Ozzy. Yul is repulsed.

Back to camp, Becky is tense. Probably jealous of Yul in hot tub with naked Parvati. MMMM. Naked Parvati.

Sarcastic comment set-up: After the winners return, Parvati is in the shelter, sleeping. Sundra asks where Parvati is. Becky says Parvati is resting after her hard day at the spa.

Immunity challenge. Yet another balance, carry bundles challenge. This has the added pleasure of having contestants make a maze, then roll two balls down the maze into two holes. How about we don’t even bother having the challenge, just let Ozzy keep the immunity necklace, and head right to tribal council?

Ozzy wins!

Various efforts by Adam and Parvati to forestall their inevitable demise from the game. Yul tells Parvati she is the bigger threat, giving us the answer to the question “How dumb is Adam?” “Adam is so dumb, he makes Parvati look like a strategic genius.”

Off to tribal council, but first, Yul grabs Jonathan’s hat since Jonathan said he wanted his hat back. Yul worries Probst will accuse them of trying to influence the jury, so Yul just leaves the hat on the jury bench and sits down. That way, no one will know who brought it.

Jonathan sees hat, laughs. Funny hat!

Jeff: Jonathan, Yul brought you your hat. He’s trying to sway votes.

Yul: No I’m not.

Becky: Yes he is.

Yul: No I’m not!

Sundra: Yes he is!

Yul: No I’m not!!

Ozzy: Yes he is!!

Yul: NO I’M NOT!

Adam and Parvati: YES HE IS!!!

Yul: Maybe I am.

Jeff: You know, ultimately I’m as bored as Dweeze is. Let’s wrap this up. Parvati, fuck anyone at the reward?

Parvati: I tried, but Ozzy got drunk and I think Yul’s gay.

Yul: NO I’M NOT!

Becky: That would explain his ability to resist my feminine charms.

Jeff: Adam, considering you’re a pretty physically healthy guy, you’ve got to believe your inability to win a challenge makes you a major loser.

Adam: Sure does, Jeff. Sure does.

Jeff: All right. Let’s vote.

They vote, Jeff reads, Parvati goes home.

On the next Survivor: The usual finale blather, with all the remainingcontestants and a one-word description of them. Plus, we are told five contestants, three tribal councils, and one big surprise. Uhm, didn't youjust give away the one big surprise? If there are only three tribal councilsleft, that means we either have a double-boot coming up (one tribal council to get from five to three, one tribal council to get from three to two, andthen the final tribal council) or else we are going to have our first finalthree (one tribal council to get from five to four, one tribal council to get from four to three, and then the final tribal council). Even if I hadn'tread the spoilers, I would be inclined to pick the latter. After all,there's too much of a risk that you will have two immunity idols in play at the next two tribal councils, Yul's and Ozzy's. That'd be a huge unfairadvantage to the remaining three, and while I think it's cool to be thatvicious earlier in the game, at this late a date it's way too harsh. The problem with a three-person finale, on the other hand, is that you've gotthe possibility of a tie, either a three-way tie at 3 votes apiece, or atwo-way tie at four votes for one person, four votes for another person, and one vote for the other person. If that's the result, how do you break thetie? Interesting question. Interesting question.

Oh, and Parvati got to speak again before she left.  ¶ 12:08 PM