Monday, November 20, 2006
Episode Ten - The One With The Wonderfully Vicious Twist
Previously on Survivor:
Dweeze got fed up and entered the Evelyn Wood School of Speed Summarizing.
We open in Raro,With Jonathan complaining,Then on to Aitu.Lotsa laughs at Aitu.
Sorry. At least I didn’t try to modify Brush Up Your Shakespeare. Anyway, Raro, Day 22. Jonathan has realized he made a horrible mistake – the Alan Alda sound-alike thing was a bad idea. So was leaving Aitu. He tells us he is a wandering Jew without a tribe, which isn’t all that impressive. It would be far more impressive to be a wandering Jew with a tribe. He also asks, rhetorically, “who knew a Jew could climb a tree and get coconuts.” As far as I remember, this is the first time he’s mentioned his religion, though it explains why he will be the first person voted out of the Caucasian clique.
Cut to Candice and Adam, bonding. Bow chicka-bow bow. Candice says she is lucky to have someone she can trust. Adam thinks he is lucky to have someone he can nail. He tells her that they need to make sure Jenny doesn’t worry too much about Candice, and he develops the wonderful plan of having Candice rub suntan lotion on him in front of Jenny to downplay Jenny’s suspicions. Later, he’ll advance the plan by making out with Candice in the tent. That Adam – always two steps ahead.
Of Brad.
Jenny delusionally tells us that if the five Raroans stick to their group, they’ll go far in the game. Hey, Jenny. That group of five has only gotten this far because there were other people to vote off. It’s not like you’re taking the challenges by storm.
Cut to Aitu, where Ozzy tells us he is happy to be the underdog. Yo, Ozzy. Have you seen Raro? You guys are underdogs only by numbers. Or, because this is CBS, by NUMB3RS. When we factor in skill level, it will be a shock if you lose another challenge to Raro. Raro is Ulong without Stephenie and Bobby Jon.
Look! Treemail. No note or anything, just a board with nautical flags and the corresponding letter. Could it be that the tribes will be asked to write something using the flags? It’s either that or the new Long John Silver’s menu. Aitu begins to practice memorizing the letters on the board. We don’t see it, but I imagine over at Raro they use it as a cutting board for Jonathan’s fish.
We come to the challenge, and Aitu sees that Brad is gone. They can’t be shocked. Really, they can’t. Dude had one foot out the door before the mutiny. Nonetheless, Yul appears to be shocked. Yul is also shocked that the challenge does not appear to involve the water. Which is shocking.
Instead, two tribe members at a time will be given a compass and a coordinate. They go to a large compass in the sand, where they are to dig up a treasure chest at the coordinate they have been given. They then bring the chest back to their tribemates. The chest has a new coordinate on it. The next group of two goes out and digs up the chest located at the new coordinate. This process repeats until a tribe has dug up four chests. They then open the chests, finding seven flags within them. The flags, when properly arranged, spell out the word victory. If not arranged properly, the flags spell out the word roctivy. Or cotivry. Or y tico vr.
So what is the reward? Well, we’re too early for a family visit and way too soon for a vehicle, but long past fire and blankets. I’d say the time is right to hang out with natives. So, show me hanging out with natives!
Ding! Ding! Ding!
The winning tribe, or as we call them, Aitu, will go hang out with natives. The losers, or Raroans, will get to hear Jonathan bitch. And if everything goes true to form, Candice will go to Exile Island.
Did I ruin it for anyone? I’m just repeating the Vegas line.
Anyway, Yul and Sundra go first for Aitu, directed by Jeff to go to North by Northwest, which is a great movie. Jonathan and Jenny go out for Raro, directed to North by Northeast. At least, that’s what Jonathan heard. Candice apparently heard something different, as she directs him to East by Northeast. Jenny agrees with her, moving to that direction, leaving Jonathan to dig by himself. This gives Yul and Sundra a huge advantage, quickly finding and digging up their chest. Meanwhile, Jonathan has finally uncovered the top of the chest where he thought it was, and Jenny comes over to help. Yul and Sundra have already returned their first chest, however, and Ozzy and Becky are already digging for their second.
Jonathan and Jenny aren’t too far behind, however, when they bring the first chest back and send Adam and Candice out. This won’t last, however; Adam and Candice are apparently unable to understand the concept of directions, digging all over the place before finally finding the chest. Indeed, they take so long that Ozzy and Becky have found and brought back the second Aitu chest and Yul and Sundra have found and brought back the third Aitu chest. That’s right – Aitu is digging for their fourth chest before Raro even has brought back their second. Futility, thy name is Raro.
Jonathan and Jenny false start, heading off the mat before Adam and Candice get back with the chest. It’s not like it matters: Ozzy and Becky are already pulling up the fourth Aitu chest. They get it back to the mat while Jonathan and Jenny play Keystone Diggers, Jenny taking dirt Jonathan has just dug out and accidentally pushing it back into the hole, then the two of them trying to pull the chest out and dropping it back. By the time they get the chest back, Aitu is already trying to spell out victory with the flags. Candice, sensing her fate, mutters that she is going to Exile Island. One is tempted to say “Smart girl, that Candice,” but considering her decision to switch tribes easily ranks among the dumbest things a Survivor contestant has ever done, I think it’s fair to say Candice has forever forfeited the right to be called a smart girl.
Indeed, she and Adam once again have trouble figuring where and how to dig, not that it matters. Aitu had this won before it began. Candice was right about one thing, though. When Jeff asks who is going to Exile Island, the Aituans shout Candice in unison, like the patron of Cheers seeing George Wendt enter the bar. Jeff asks if it is due to strategy or the betrayal, and Yul says “Betrayal and strategy are the same thing at this point.” I think I know what he means, but he could have maybe phrased that better.
Cut to Exile Island, where Candice is feeling down. She tells us that it hurts when people you like want to see you suffer. You mean, like when you get betrayed by someone you liked and trusted? Is it like that? Idiot. Moron. Imbecile. We see her scrounge for food, then cut to Aitu arriving at the native celebration.
Nothing new here from any of the previous thousand times we’ve seen this reward. Well, one thing new. Some of the native tribe women, including two who take a strong interest in Yul, are rather zaftig. Rather zaftig. They make a Yul sandwich, and I’ll leave that one to the ladies to consider.
Back to Raro, Day 23. Jonathan is certain that if he continues feeding the tribe, they will keep him around. Now that we know his heritage, there’s an Auschwitz-collaborators joke to make, but I won’t do it. Instead, let’s comment on the treemail. Here is what the actual treemail says:
Any Explorer knowsTo study about where he goes.Disappointment shows.And for the losers… the “Tribal Council Woes.”
Wow. If that’s a treemail they’re willing to show, think of the one’s they are keeping under wraps. They are given a map to study, which in the case of Raro is like giving a dog a book to read. Jenny tells us in confessional that Rebecca is not strong in challenges, and there appears to be a race in Raro to see who can seal their own doom the fastest. I mean, wasn’t Jenny just telling us about the need for the group to stay strong? Idiot. Moron. Imbecile.
Cut to the Immunity Challenge, where Jeff tells a newly-returned Candice that since she jumped tribes, she’s spent three days at Exile Island and less than 24 hours at Raro. He says this like she hasn’t gotten the better end of that deal.
But what about the challenge?
Well, we can’t stay away from the water for too long. Four person teams again. One by one, each team member swims out to a pontoon, dives down, retrieves a bag with island names, then swims back. Once all four are back, the tribe needs to identify ten islands by matching the islands with the names they collected. Aitu has the Aituans competing; Raro has Nate, Rebecca, Parvati, and Jonathan, and if that isn’t a recipe for failure, I don’t know what is. Unless the islands include “Manhattan,” “Long,” and “Fantasy,” I don’t see Raro winning this one, even if they can compete on the physical portion of the challenge.
Ozzy and Nate are off first, in probably the least lopsided match-up. Ozzy wins nonetheless. Indeed, Yul is retrieving the second bag before Nate even is back at shore. And though there is a brief moment when Sundra has difficulty retrieving her bundle of names, Raro wastes it when Rebecca is unable to retrieve her bundle. She is still swimming back to shore when Aitu asks Jeff to check their work to see if they won. He does and they did. They take the immunity idol and head off, gone for this episode. Candice instinctively grabs her stuff to go to Exile Island, then realizes she doesn’t have to go. Before Raro leaves, however, Jeff gives them a sealed bottle and tells them not to open it and bring it with them to tribal council.
Back at camp, Raro debates the implications of the bottle. Most seem to think it is an indication that some sort of merge-like event will occur. There isn’t much talk at first about the vote, probably because they saw the foreshadowing earlier about Rebecca. Oh sure, there’s some Jonathan misdirection, and some future Jenny-boot talk, but barring some truly-shocking, gut-punching, mind-blowing twist – and when is the last time we had one of those from Survivor? – Rebecca is the one and only person going at tonight’s tribal council. Which begins, oh, say, now.
Jeff: You guys are losers. Jenny, any ideas why?
Jenny: I would imagine it has something to do with how much Rebecca sucks, which we address shortly.
Jeff: That true Rebecca?
Rebecca: Who are you again? Where am I?
Jeff: You’re on Survivor, and I am the host.
Rebecca: Oh yeah. I watched that once. Not so much these days. These days I spend hunting, fishing, clamm-
Jonathan: Me me me! I’m the one who fishes. Me! Me! Go on Jeff, ask me how many fishes I’ve caught. ASK ME!!!
Jeff: *sighs* Okay Jonathan, how many fish have you caught.
Jonathan: Twenty-two, Jeff. Twenty-two.
Jeff: How many were big enough to provide any nutritional value?
Jonathan: *long pause* Did I mention I caught 22 fish?
Jeff: Parvati. You still here?
Parvati: Yes, Jeff, and thanks for noticing.
Jeff: Adam. What is this vote based on?
Adam: We’re going to vote out all the people who are ineffective in challenges.
Jeff: You do that and only Nate will be left.
And with that, now is the time on Survivor when we vote!
Raroans vote, Jeff visits the Tallymon, Jeff reads, Rebecca leaves.
So, now we’re do-
Oh yeah. The bottle. Jeff tells Parvati to open it. She does, pulls out a note, and reads: “It’s a great day to vote someone out; let’s vote out two!” To which she adds “That’s not fun”, cinching her bid for Ms. Obvious 2006. Nate calls it wack. No Nate. Crack is wack. Crack is wack. Voting out another person is a wonderfully vicious twist. Yay, Survivor! One up TAR in the vicious twist department!
Which, of course, means that now is the time on Survivor when we vote again.
Everyone votes, Jeff collects, then reads – four votes Jenny, two votes Jonathan. Hmm. Wonder what the ethnic mix on those votes could be? Hmmm. That leaves four whites and Nate. Which means Nate is totally screwed unless a merge takes place or Jonathan opens his big fat mouth and rags on the tribe for being lazy and making him do all the work.
On the next Survivor: Jonathan opens his big fat mouth and rags on the tribe for being lazy and making him do all the work and, based on weekend NFL promos, the tribes merge. Oh, and Candice and Adam decide that winning Survivor is nowhere near as important as sucking face, so they suck face. ¶ 5:07 PM
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