Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Episode Nine - NINE? We're Already Nine Episodes Into This Dog?
Okay, here’s the thing. Survivor doesn’t get good until there are about ten or eleven people left. Up until then, you are still figuring out who is who, how each person is playing, what their per…
Sorry? This isn’t how a summary is supposed to begin? Oh. Okay.
Previously on Survivor:
Flicka floundered. There. Happy?
Anyway, up until the point where we are at ten to twelve people, Survivor is pretty boring to watch. This isn’t so bad when you start with sixteen contestants. In that case, you’re down to twelve in four weeks, to ten in six. But when you start with twenty? TWENTY? It takes nine weeks to get to eleven, especially if you toss a recap in there because you are worried about losing viewers to a World Series that drew no one but Cardinal and Tiger fans.
By the way, the Cardinals won.
So here we are, week nine, and we start the show with TWELVE FUCKING CONTESTANTS LEFT! And they wonder why ratings keep going down.
We open at Aitu, Day 19. Ozzy is asleep, the other Aituans are congratulating themselves and talking about how Ozzy is next out. Well, Jonathan is talking about how Ozzy is next out. Everyone else is listening. It seems at times that Jonathan is the only one to ever watch the show before, but that might not be a good thing for him. We constantly see him analyzing and working every situation.
I don’t have the heart to make this lengthy, so let’s just do it quickly. It’s not like anyone other than Estee is reading anyway.
Yul wants to stay together post-merge.
Candice tells us in confessional she wants to do a threesome with Adam and Parvati.
Jonathan tells Candice he wants to finally do a two-some with her. Or else go to the Final Two with her. It gets confusing.
Over at Raring to Go, everyone wants to stay strong after the merge.
Brad says after the merge it’s every man for himself. The other Raroans slowly back away from Brad.
Parvati says Brad is digging a hole where the rain comes in.
Nate says Brad is doing questionable things and is now Slim Shady. Of course, Brad is not the Real Slim Shady.
Reward challenge! But not just reward – a twist!
Jeff says everyone can switch tribes if they want. They just have to step off their teams mat.
Candice decides to switch, probably to get away from Jonathan. Jonathan decides to switch, to stay close to Candice. Candice asks if she can go back, but Jeff says no backsies. That leaves us with eight Raros and four Aituans.
Jeff asks if people are surprised. Yul says yes, Ozzy says no, Ozzy again showing good game sense. Suddenly, I want the four Aituans to be the final four.
Another Rube Goldberg challenge. Two men and two women participate. The women are in a barrel that the men push over an obstacle course. While they go along, they pick up four buoys. When they reach the water, they use the buoys to float the barrel out to the center of the lagoon, where they have to dive down and retrieve four flags. They then float the barrel back to the beach, roll it onto the mat, take the flags out, attach them to a rope, then dig in the sand for an axe, then take the axe and chop the rope raising the flags. The reward? Coffee, pastry, and letters from home. Aitu chooses – well, Aitu now only has four people, two men and two women, so Aitu has no choices to make. Becky and Sundra climb in the barrel and Yul and Ozzy are rolling out the barrel, they’ll have a barrel of fun. For Raro, Nate and Adam will push Candice and Jenny in the barrel.
The challenge starts, and the teams are roughly neck and neck to start. Raro starts to fall behind when they make the decision to stuff all four buoys in the barrel instead of doing what Aitu does and carrying the buoys. Aitu’s lead gets insurmountable in the water, as they move directly through the water and Raro gets caught in the current and pulled way off course. In fact, I think Raro is still in the water when the Immunity Challenge starts.
Well, not really.
Aitu gets the win, and Ozzy looks at Jonathan and says “Mutineers die first”. Or “Mutineers dye first.” It could be either. However, when asked who they want to send to Exile Island, they opt for Candice. Perhaps they realize that if Candice hadn’t made the jump first, Jonathan would never have switched tribes.
Aitu goes to reward. Coffee, pastry, hotel robes. Sundra says she felt down when Candice and Jonathan mutinied, but has never been so happy now. Ozzy says they are stronger than they were before.
Candice, on Exile Island, wonders why Jonathan switched. She said she needed to be with Adam and Parvati again. Yeah. Couldn’t do the smart thing and wait til you get reunited at merge, no. Had to get stupid.
Jonathan at Raro is trying to ingratiate himself with the tribe. He babbles on and on and then goes to work, trying to provide for the group. Idiot. Moron. Imbecile. We later see him telling Adam he wanted to reunite the four original tribemates. Adam is happy about this. For now.
Immunity challenge time. Four people in a boat, rowing around the lagoon. The boat has a glass bottom, and they have to use the glass bottom to drop a cannonball through a hole in the boat to try to hit a target, which will release two buoys. Each buoy has a letter written on it. There are three targets to hit, for a total of six buoys. When they retrieve all six, they are to return to show, take the buoys, and form a word with the letters on the buoys.
Raro has to sit out the four people who participated in the Reward Challenge. That leaves Jonathan, Brad, Parvati, and Rebecca in the boat. Aitu has the Aituans.
Raro takes an early lead, hitting two targets in quick succession before Aitu even gets one. After several attempts, Yul figures out the he can target the cannonball through the hole in the boat where the cannonball drops instead of using the glass bottom. This technique proves to be very successful. On the Raro boat, Jonathan, the bombardier, starts getting flustered and just firing cannonball after cannonball without trying to target the shots. In fact, he gets ticked off when Probst announces that Jonathan is wasting cannonballs.
Aitu gets their second and third targets, then starts back to shore. Jonathan starts staring at them instead of trying to hit the target, causing Parvati to chastise him and tell him to focus on the challenge. Too late, though, as Aitu hits the beach. They unwrap the buoys, one with a clue on it. The clue says “the most infamous mutiny in history occurred on this ship”. Bounty. Duh. This is as obvious to Aitu as it is to me, and they quickly complete the challenge, sending Raro to another Tribal Council. And with that, we have seen Aitu for the last time this episode.
Over at Raro, Jonathan is apologizing for sucking badly. He then goes out fishing, giving Candice a chance to tell everyone that she is not in the least bit tight with Jonathan. She adds that Jonathan is always working everyone.
Nate and Adam are talking. Nate wants Jonathan to go. Jonathan says there is value in keeping Jonathan around and sending Brad home, because Brad could jump tribes if there is a merge and Jonathan can never go back to the Aituans. Nate agrees, and offers to go lie to Brad so as not to give Brad any ideas. Hey, Nate! Where do you think you fit in with the Caucasian alliance? Idiot. Moron. Imbecile.
Candice and Adam are talking, and Candice tells him that Jonathan always wanted to send Adam to Exile Island because he thought it would break Adam. Adam now wants to boot Jonathan, though this is obviously the standard attempt to make the boot less obvious.
Jeff: Dweeze wants to make this fast, and I am more than happy to oblige. Brad, when Candice and Jonathan switched, did you realize you were now toast?
Brad: Jeff, I’m pretty sure I was toast before.
Jeff: Candice, care to suck up to your new tribe?
Candice: Absolutely, Jeff. This new tribe is so much better than my own tribe, and not just because there are more whites here.
Jeff: Jonathan, was switching tribe the idiotic act of an overconfident buffoon or a misguided moment of racism.
Jonathan: Little of both, Jeff. A little of both.
Jeff: Brad, do you trust the tribe?
Brad: Do I look like an idiot? Of course not.
Jeff: Fair enough. Time to vote!
We vote, Jeff reads, Brad is done, and as he reads the last vote, Jeff says “And the ninth person voted out of Survivor Cook Islands, and the first member of our jury, is Brad.”
Jury? JURY? An unforeseen twist that will actually impact the game? SWEET!!!!!
On the next Survivor, Adam and Candice reconnect, and Jeff gives the tribes a surprise in a bottle. ¶ 1:46 PM
Comments:
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I loved your summary of last week's episode! Hilarious and yet still insightful. I'll definately be coming back after the next episode.
Didn't read it, because I'm not Estee. But nice job anyway. It was a barrel of laughs.
(and btw, Estee didn't read mine last week)
(and btw, Estee didn't read mine last week)
Hey, I read it. I read them all. I even like them all. It's just that there isn't always something funny to say, cause I'm too stoopified by Poverty's sexy mouth.
I live in the same state with Estee. That's not really germane, but it seemed like the right place to place a warning.
I live in the same state with Estee. That's not really germane, but it seemed like the right place to place a warning.
... And since we're not on the subject, where the list of all the previous Cook Islands summaries in case someone wants to go back and read your earlier work? Just sayin'.
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