Monday, May 08, 2006
Episode Twelve: Another Dweeze Summary
Previously on Survivor:
Hey! Remember when other people wrote summaries too, not just me? I remember it too. Good times. Good times.
Previously on Survivor:
I mean, it’s not like someone is putting a gun to my head forcing me to do this. People keep having stuff come up, and I keep saying I’ll fill in. But still. It has to be getting as old for you as it is for me.
Previously on Survivor:
I’m sure the kvetching is getting old. Still, it’s not like you are reading it. Three comments last week. Three. Do you have any idea what that can do to a man?
Previously on Survivor:
You can read about it here. I don’t feel like recapping. Besides, it’s a good summary – one of my better efforts, if I do say so myself.
Previously on Survivor:
Yep, one of my better efforts. And it got three comments.
Previously on Survivor:
Three.
Previously on Survivor:
It was probably the Gary Coleman-Mark Messier picture, wasn’t it?
Previously on Survivor:
Still, only three comments.
Previously on Survivor:
Three.
Previously on Survivor:
Cirie missed her chance to make a game-changing move. Danielle missed her chance to take control of the game. Courtney missed her chance to spend three more days on the island. Who will be voted out next?
We open immediately after tribal council. Shane, in one of his more lucid moments, is individually asking Aras and Cirie why they didn’t tell him about voting Courtney out. Aras points his finger at Cirie, saying she discovered a plot against Aras. Cirie says that Danielle told her and Aras ten minutes before they left for tribal that Terry was trying to get the women to join him in an alliance. She says they didn’t have time to tell him because he was up on the hill. Shane says he goes up on the hill because up on the hill, they think he’s okay.
Or so they say.
Shane buys it. He says they should have figured out a way to signal the change to him, but now they have the numbers and, if Terry wins the next immunity, Danielle is out. Shane asks Cirie if she is trying to dupe him. Cirie becomes somewhat offended that he asks. Shane is mollified to the point that he sits around the campfire speaking ill of Courtney.
Cut to the next morning. Everyone is happier with Courtney gone. Everyone but Terry, that is. In confessional he tells us that he is upset Danielle lied to him. He hopes she is out next.
But first? Reward challenge time! It’s a four stage challenge, and as with most of these staged challenges, someone falls out of the challenge at each stage. For the first stage, all five survivors have to dig in the sand and find a bag. The first four to do so go on. Next, they go through obstacles and untie a wooden snake, on the water. Very free. And easy. Last person to do so drops out. Next, the remaining three carry both the snake and the bag and climb on board a plane and attempt to kill a mobster in the witness protection program. Fortunately Sam Jackson is there to stop them and their mother-fucking snakes.
Sorry. My bad. They take the snake and the bag and the have to race over a sandhill into a waterhole and untie a large fish. Last one to do so drops out.
Yes, they have to untie a large fish. See last week’s graphics for some big fish pictures. Next, they carry all three items through a series of tunnels and towers. First one to do so wins. You want to know what we are playing for? Do you? Huh?
Damn, you ask so many questions.
So what do they win? Love. Winner gets a night in a spa with the prostitute of their choice. Or with a family member. It gets confusing. No, I’m sure it’s family visit time. Plus, the winner gets to decide who else gets a family visit and how long they get to take it.
I love it when the challenges are designed to fuck the winner over. There are only two ways to proceed here. Lose immediately or win and give yourself the shittiest reward. Everything else is a minefield. Even for Terry. Especially for Terry. Here is a guy who, if he can make it to the final two, is going to need every vote he can possibly get. There is no sense to piss anyone off.
Course, Terry, and all of us, know exactly what happens if he loses. He’s first choice for “no reward/Exile Island”. But still. Wouldn’t it be worth that to force some Casayan to choose?
The contest starts, and Shane has obviously chosen the “intentionally lose” option. He sets out in the opposite direction like Wrong Way Corrigan (how’s that for an obscure reference) when Jeff says go. Danielle, Terry, Aras, and Cirie move on to the next stage. Cirie is next out, and it’s time to untie the fish.
No, that’s not code.
They race off, and Terry drops his snake as they run over the sandhills. Danielle is unable to take advantage of this gaffe. Aras unties his fish first and races to the finish spot. Terry unties his fish, puts it in his mouth, grabs his snake and his bag, and
Yeah, I had a Beavis-Butthead moment when I typed “grabs his snake and his bag”. Want to make something of it?
Anyway, Terry puts it in his mouth, grabs his snake and his bag, and heads to the finish. Danielle puts the snake in her mouth, but it is too late. Terry and Aras are moving on.
As one would expect, the rivalry between these two boils over a little as they approach a crossroads in the tunnel at the same time. Terry squeaks through but Aras drops his bag, giving Terry an easy win.
That means it’s time to bring out family members. First out is Terry’s wife. Next is Aras’ mom, then Danielle’s mom, then Cirie’s husband. Finally, Probst brings out Shane’s son Boston.
It just occurred to me that we have never heard mention of Boston’s mother. Why is that? I see two possible explanations. First, Shane and his ex had an ugly divorce and Shane never speaks of her. Second, Boston was cloned. Personally, I think either theory is equally valid.
Anyway, it’s choosing time. Two survivors will go back with their loved ones to a resort for an overnight stay complete with food, beverages, and private rooms.
Bom-chicka-bom bom.
One other loved one will accompany their survivor back to camp to stay there overnight. A fourth survivor will get a hug from their loved one, and a fifth survivor will GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT!
Now, here is what I would do if I were Terry. First, Danielle and Cirie would get the resort with their loved ones. Second, Boston would accompany Shane back to camp. I mean, really. Wouldn’t going back to camp for an overnight be better for a teenage boy than a luxury resort. Finally, Aras would get the hug and I would go back to Exile Island. The downside of course is that he has to go to Exile Island. and he doesn’t even get a hug. The upside is that he doesn’t piss anyone off and instead creates some goodwill.
So what does Terry do? Takes one resort stay for himself and gives the other to Shane, awards the camp visit to Cirie, lets Aras get the hug, and sends Danielle to Exile Island. Bad choices. Bad choices all. And with that, everyone marches into the commercial break.
Back from break, Danielle is chopping coconuts on Exile Island. She says she realizes Terry picked her because she backstabbed him at the previous tribal council, but she adds that she doesn’t care.
Back at camp, Cirie is showing her husband around.
Cirie: There’s the fire, there’s the water, and that’s where Shane showed me his cock.
Cirie’s Husband: WHAT?
Cirie: Oh, there was nothing to it.
Cirie shows him the snails they eat, the crappy water they drink, and their living quarters. She is very proud of all she had done.
Meanwhile, at the resort, Terry and Trish (his wife) and Shane and Boston are helping themselves to food. Trish says she is surprised at how thin Terry is but adds that she wants him to go back to being his hot-looking studly self.
Pardon me while I brush my mind.
In the resort yard, Shane is telling Boston a relatively accurate and unvarnished version of what he has gone through. He adds that while he wanted to quit early on, he didn’t because he knew how much it would disappoint Boston.
Back inside, Terry whips it out for Trish. He then shows her the baby immunity idol. Trish gives some pointers about how Terry should strategize. Say, Trish? Maybe suggest that he not act so damn cocky and arrogant. That might help.
Finally it’s dinner time, and all four gather for food and conversation. Trish mentions that she thinks it will be an all-male final three. Terry adds that Danielle should be trying to find the immunity idol. Shane calls Terry on that lie, but Terry doesn’t confess.
After dinner is over, Shane tells Boston how hard it’s been. He adds that being without Boston has been difficult. Boston tells his dad that he only has seven days left to go, that he is strong enough to do it, and that he needs to keep trying.
In other words, Boston is well-accustomed to his role as the mature person in his relationship with his dad.
Back inside, Terry tells Trish to be gentle with him. Trish tells him in reply that she will be good to him.
Pardon me while I shower my mind.
Back in camp, Cirie has put her husband to work. He has become really impressed with her, to the point that when it is finally time for him to go, he tells her that she is his hero.
Cut to Terry and Shane coming back to camp. Aras asks Terry is he got a good night’s sleep. Terry says he didn’t do any sleeping.
Pardon me while I use hydrochloric acid on my mind.
Terry decides to continue to put his foot in it, and he tells the camp why he chose who he chose. He says that he felt it was more important for people with spouses to get to spend time with their spouse than it was for a child to see his or her parent. (Apparently, having a parent get to see his child was acceptable too.)
Now here’s the thing. No one asked him, or at least the question wasn’t edited in if he was asked. Offering the why is insane. It gains Terry nothing. Not for the first time it strikes me that while Terry has the physical skills to make it all the way, he doesn’t have the gameplay to do so.
Aras doesn’t take kindly to Terry dissing a child missing a parent. What is it with this show and young males with unhealthy attachments to their mothers? Anyway, Aras tells Terry that the child-parent bond can be as strong as a husband-wife bond. Terry openly expresses his lack of sympathy for this argument. In confessional, Terry tells us he was glad Aras came a little unglued. In his confessional, Aras tells us that he has been given even more incentive to beat Terry at challenge.
What a coincidence! It is challenge time!
It’s a balance, endurance, filling water challenge. Each survivor stands on a small perch on top of a 20-foot pole. Each of them has a bucket. In front of them is a bamboo pole that a flag is sitting in. The goal is to drop the bucket into the water, pull it up, and then dump it down the bamboo pole. When enough water is placed in the pole, the flag will float to where the survivor can reach it.
The challenge starts, and Terry takes an early lead. Danielle is making a bit of a run, asis Aras, and Cirie is trying as hard as she can. Shane? Shane might as well have sat the challenge out. He obviously has no concern about trying to win the challenge. It finally comes down to Aras and Terry, but once again Terry has the ability to pull away and win. As he is declared the winner, Terry yells and does a backflip into the water. Shane doesn’t appreciate Terry celebrating, though he does have enough in him to mock Probst’s standard “one of you will be going home tonight” speech.
Terry in confessional tells us that this challenge didn’t just get him to four, it got him to three due to the hidden idol. He says the pressure is gone and he doesn’t even have to show up for the next immunity challenge.
Uh, Terry? Can we talk?
The next immunity challenge is the most important immunity challenge you’ve faced. If you win that one, not only do you have protection for yourself, but you can decide who goes to the final three with you! Look at how Cirie has been betraying people – wouldn’t it be nice to get her to final two? If you win the next immunity, you can take her to final three with you.
Back at camp, Danielle is walking along the beach. Shane says she knows she is next off. He adds that he is safe, and then we see him and Terry talking about how they will probably be the final two. Back at confessional, Terry tells us he thinks he could beat Shane even with a heavily-loyal Casaya jury.
Now here’s the thing. Terry probably has three votes right now – Austin, Sally, and Courtney. He only needs one more vote, and depending on who goes with him he could pick up a couple more. But he clearly doesn’t know that you don’t count your votes when you’re sitting in confessional. There’ll be time enough for counting, when the vote is done.
Meanwhile, Aras and Danielle are talking. Aras is still feeling betrayed that Shane wanted to take Courtney to the final two, and he tells Danielle that he and Cirie will vote with her to toss Shane. Danielle says that Shane thinks he is in control and adds that he knows nothing.
We then cut to Shane talking to Cirie, and Cirie reaffirming that she is with him on the vote for Danielle. In confessional, Cirie tells us that Danielle is a threat to her if they make it to final two. Not that there is a chance of Cirie making it to final two on her own.
Shane talks to Cirie, saying it’s Danielle now and Aras next – but they can’t look like they’re betraying Aras because he’ll remember that in the jury. Is Cirie 100% with him? Yes. She isn’t in something with Aras and Danielle? No, of course not. Shane feels good!
In his confessional, Shane tells us he can beat any of the other survivors at final two. He then adds that he can flap his wings and fly. Neither scenario is particularly likely.
So we’re off to tribal council.
Probst: Terry, how tough was it to have to decide who got a family visit.
Terry: Well, the God Position is tough, Jeff, which is why I usually choose other positions.
Probst: I know. I’ve seen the video. Cirie, how did your husband like camp?
Cirie: He’s a city guy, unlike me. He couldn’t take it like I can.
Probst: Riiiiiiight. Shane? How was it seeing Boston?
Shane: We grew up together. He’s my other half, he’s my brother, my son, my best friend. He’s my life.
Probst: Wow. Never heard that speech before. Aras. Terry’s kicking your ass at challenges. How much does it suck getting beat by an old man?
Aras: Hey. Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. It’s cool to have a rivalry like we have.
Probst: Terry, they can hear you rolling your eyes back in the States.
Terry: Look at the scoreboard Jeff. Look at the scoreboard.
Probst: Shane, can you be trusted?
Shane: I am the most reliable person out here.
Probst: I have no response to that. Danielle? Thoughts?
Danielle: What’s a thought?
Probst: Never mind. Shane, everyone worked hard for immunity. Everyone but you. What up?
Shane: Why should I work? With Courtney gone, I am the perfect final two candidate. They others are going to be stumbling over each other to carry my ass the rest of the way.
Now is the time on Survivor when we vote. Aras votes Shane, saying sorry brother. Shane votes Danielle. The other votes aren’t seen.
The tallyman then comes to tally the votes. Probst reads one Danielle, then a Shane. Then a second Shane. Then the dreaded “And the x person voted out of Survivor is” before reading Shane’s name. Shane gets his torch snuffed, then tells the others “I’m going to have a chocolate ice cream bar in about one minute”. We see an upset Cirie, though if it is because she voted Shane off or because she wants a chocolate ice cream bar we will never know. As Shane leaves, Probst tells the survivors that from here on out trust will be an issue.
Yeah, cause trust has never has been an issue before in Survivor.
As we fade into the Vegas night, Shane tells us he was duped. He was blindsided. He seems to be taking the boot in stride, and adds that he is proud of himself, if disappointed.
Next time on Survivor: Cirie tells Terry to talk to the hand. Terry and Aras butt horns at a challenge like the natural rivals they are. And Danielle tells Terry she wants to align with him. ¶ 2:27 PM
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Another good summary from someone else who reads but doesn't comment. Can't wait to hear the final summaries.
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