Survivor Exile Island Episiode 8 - Breakfast in Bed and A little Hairy Head By Buggy

Last week on Survive This - Fester said everything there was to say about this season.
It was a perfectly right on, nailed it , nailed them, assessment of the game and the players. Deadly accurate , totally funny, and he left nothing but crumbs behind when he was done with them.

Last week on Survivor - The tribes merged . Casaya vowed to pick off the LaMina players one by one. LaMina had a plan to get someone to switch over to their side so they wouldn’t get picked off one by one. Terry won the first individual immunity ( because everyone else quit ) , and made offers to Bruce, Cirie and Shane to let them come along with his "tight four" for a promise of 6th place and a coveted spot on the jury.
Nick got voted out. ( Say it with me people,) " Nick who?"

Nine are left !
Who will be voted out this week?!
(I’m guessing Katie Couric, but lets see how this plays out anyway.)

Gitano Tribe - Day after Nick went

Austin tells Terry he is happy to have been spared the ax at Tribal. I guess he really expected to be voted out, it’s a good thing he didn’t do anything stupid.
Courtney ( The Fire Dancer) in a confessional says that last night at tribal council Austin was a jerk.

Fire Dancer - Austin says that he tanked the challenge! He bragged about it, he acted all weak and stuff, but he is really strong and I’m like all , "Oh MY gosh, we voted off the wrong guy!"

Hey Courtney, think much? What the hell does it matter which one you voted out? Is Austin all that much stronger than Nick? ( Who?) We all know Casaya really wanted to vote off Terry, and if he got immunity you were going after Austin or Nick. What difference did it make which one? Did you guys really base your decision on Nick hanging on a few seconds longer than Austin?
Did Austin really put one over on you guys?

Austin - I pulled off the greatest caper of all time, but it didn’t work. I knew I was going home and I didn’t want to leave with them thinking I was weak , so I told them I threw the immunity challenge. Except they didn’t vote me off , and Ha Ha , my bad , I am so stupid. Now they know I’m not weak.
( Austin! Why didn’t you just show ‘em your dick? Such a big strong man you are, Austin. Oh swoon, you aren’t weaker than Nick Who, at all. Geeze!)

Austin - Now people are questioning whether I can be trusted or not.

Of course you can’t be trusted, and neither can any of them.
They are going to vote you out if you don’t win immunity , so maybe pretending to be weak isn’t such a good idea this time. Okay? Because even I don’t feel sorry for you, and that’s really saying something.

We cut to the beach, where we find former Casaya members in pursuit of gastropods. We watch the brave hunters search the rocks for elusive invertebrates. They must be swift, and stealthy , they must be smarter than their prey.
Snail hunting is a serious business.

Ares , Shane, Courtney and that other girl ( I can never remember her name) are snail hunting , and I can’t get that song out of my head, you know the one.

First there is a mountain , then there is no mountain, then there is, the snails are in the garden , yes there are snails, yes there are.
Sorry, just had to share it.

As Shame combs the rocks for sneaky snails, we hear Areas and the girls talking.

Areas - These snails are just like LaMina , slimey and hard to get out.
(Out of the rocks or out of the game, or out of their shells? Because you seem to be getting LaMina members out of the game quite well. Sure, you weren’t able to vote for them til after the merge, but every time you won an immunity challenge ( and there were quite a few) one of them went home. )

Arees - These snails are just like LaMina , slimey and hard to get out.
Other Girl- Oh Ares, aren’t you cutthroat.
Areas - No! They are cutthroat, and that Austin is a Slimeball!
The girls bob their heads and agree to the slimebucketness that is Austin. Bad Austin! Such a liar he is! So sneaky and slimey and snail-like.
Aries - We can’t trust him; from now on we don’t reveal anything, PERIOD!

Not revealing anything is a totally new concept to these folks, they don’t even try to keep who they are voting for a surprise.
Shane scowls ( the same scowl he uses when sitting on his stump, the very one he learned in acting class, the scowl he uses while "Hunting" ) and wanders away.

Clouds race through the sky, lizards lurk in the jungle, we must be traveling back to camp.

Camp - Sergio Valente Tribe

Terry explains his strategy to the viewers at home. By the way, Terry is the only hope we have of there not being a complete Pagonging, but do we really care this time? I for one think he is too sure that he deserves the win over everyone else. He is way too cocky for someone who lead his team into the merge with fewer members. Terry is useful , tools usually are.

Terry - The other team is going after us, we need to try to pull some of their members over to our side, pull some of the girls over , because you know I am dead sexy. It’s going to be hard to figure out the 5 or 6 , and who is in control over them, but the girls must be in danger enough to want to be guaranteed a spot with my peeps, I can offer them 5th or 6th place. Casaya is happy, they have the numbers, but things could change because maybe, just maybe one of them needs a dictionary. I’m a team guy. I’m still LaMima, I was the leader over there , but now we are merged and at tribe Jordache, I’m hoping I can turn things around. Did I mention that chicks dig me?

Jungle mail!

Courtney thinks it’s going to be , " A fun one!"
It’s a coconut with a poem written on it, that she reads to the group.
Skill can win a bullrace
(keep your head in the game)
Making tough decisions can take guts
( keep your head in the game)
But in political battles
(don’t be afraid to shoot the outside J)
You’ll always deal with nuts
( getcha getcha head in the game)

Courtney - Look! It’s written on a coconut, it has to be fun!

Sally ( Sally is that little blond girl with the knee socks, you remember, the one who lost the fishing spear causing LaMina to suck forever after) - The Nut said it was a political game, and that is good for me and Terry and Austin , we’re hoping for some conflict to shake things up, and Austin is hoping for a chance to show off his nuts.

Challenge Beach

For the first time tonight, we get to see the Probst! He is wearing a blue shirt!
I know!!
*WAVES*
Hi Jeff!
Sometimes I think he’s the only reason I keep watching this show.

Jeff greets them and explains the challenge.
They will be divided into 3 teams of 3 , each team gets a boat and a bin with 100 painted coconuts in it. The teams must put their coconuts in the boats of other teams, and then paddle out, get a flag that matches your coconut color, and then paddle back in , drag the nuts in a net up the beach , fill the bin , raise the flag, and that’s pretty much it, you know, in a nutshell. ( LOL! Oh I crack myself up! HAHAHA!) So I suppose the political part is that the coconuts are painted different colors?

Jeff - You wanna know what you’re playing for?

They always do! They always wanna know what they are playing for, they are ready, they have their head in the game, and they need to know what fabulous prizes they are playing for. Tell them Jeffy , just tell them already!

Jeff - The winning team of 3 will be picked up tomorrow by boat and taken to a lovely little spot where you will find a bed and breakfast waiting for you. Bacon, mimosas, yummy pastries. You will also get to choose someone to go to the Scary Exile Island!
( Ooooooooo , sceery)

Teams of 3 chosen randomly

Shane - Terry - Austin - Team Nuts

Bruce - Sally - Arse - Team Mixed Nuts

Danielle - Courtney - Cerie - Team Twats

Jeff ( aka Captain Stupidhead) - Survivors ready? For breakfast in bed, Go!

Team Nuts gangs up on the Twats, putting all their nuts in the Twats boat. Team Mixed Nuts is loading up the Nuts with nuts , while the Twats can barely carry a load of nuts without dropping them all over the beach. Aries tells Danielle to "Stay on the Nuts , we aren’t putting any in your yours."
Aha! That tricky Mixed Nut Ares, is trying to get the Twatties to help him load up the nuts on the Nuts. I suppose everyone should make sure that he beats Terry.
Nuts and Mixed Nuts are heading into the water about the same time, and the Twats are so far behind that they have to start putting their nuts in their own boat because the other teams are off the shore.
Jeff mocks them for being in last place. " No Shot! The Twats got no shot!" , yells Jeff.
Team Nuts gets back to the beach with the flag first and starts to load up the nut net with nuts, it’s going to take them two trips though and Mixed Nuts is right behind them. Mixed can fit all their nuts in the net! They get all the nuts in ONE LOAD! Jeff pretends it’s close, as Sally runs back for the flag, and the Mixed Nuts win Reward!
A boat to take them to a nice little spot for breakfast in bed.

Now you all heard Jeff, same as I did, say " bed and breakfast" before the challenge, then he changed it and started saying "breakfast and bed" and then " breakfast in bed" . Jeff is a lying sack!
He is a dimpled , blue shirted , jaunty hat wearing, sneaky lying ass. It’s kinda funny though.

Now he drops the real bomb, as the winners of the reward, Team Mixed Nuts has to pick someone to go to *cue dramatic spooky music* EXILE ISLAND! They don’t just pick one someone, they have to pick TWO someones! Ha! Arses chooses Austin from the Nuts, and Danielle from the Twats, to be exiled, the rest return to camp because except for the Breakfast Club , Jeff has nothing for them.

Sassoon Beach - Day 20

It’s wet.
Rain , raining, the camp is a lake again WET!

Sally ( the spear losing, tribe killing Social Worker) - Winning the reward was the best thing ever. I am going to have breakfast in bed with Bruce and Oddis. ( I rewound the tape 3 times, I swear she says Oddis)

Oddis - I am like a kid on Xmas Eve! I woke up early and have been waiting , where’s the boat? The minute I won it , ( Dude, you had some help, it was a team event) I knew what I’d done. I revealed some of my athleticism , but a lot of my wit. ( Umm yeah, you are super amazing). I’m the leader and now they know I’m smart too , I may have painted a big target on me.

The catapiller sheds it’s skin to find the butterfly within.

The Boat finally shows up and off our little Mixed Nuts go for their reward.

Sally - Bruce, Oddis and I had no idea where we were going. ( There! She said it again!)

I think Bruce, Sally and the Oddman , thought they were at least going to some sort of building with a roof. But no, that is not the case. The boat brings them to a sand bar in the pouring rain. There is a canopy bed sitting out on the beach. No way! Way!

Sally -No Way is that our reward! There is a beautiful bed, but it’s pouring rain, it’s like wet.
Way!

We get confessionals of all of them describing rain , and water, and wetness. The Bed they are supposed to have breakfast in is drenched. The sheets are soaked, the pillows are soppy , the canopy is dripping. It’s cold, they are wet, and this looks like the worst reward ever! They get into the wet bed and then a tray with food is brought to them, and then more food and more food.
Sally- It went from this cold and miserable moment , to the most incredible day ever!
Amazing what some good food can do for you when you’ve been eating snails and beans for 20 days.
Orange juice seems to have brought little Sally, right back to life.

Areas - This was so worth it!
Sally - I don’t even care that I’m wet!
Bruce - I’m used to sleeping in a wet bed

We watch them eat, and eat and eat and eat. Bruce lists all the kinds of foods they have, and it’s alot.
As they open more champagne, Sally tells us over again that she is so comfortable, and soooooo wet. She never thought being in bed with 2 strange men ( one of them really strange and the other just really Odd) would feel so comfortable. The more she talks, the more I think this may not have been little Sally’s first time at the rodeo ( ifyaknowwhatImean)


Calvins Tribe - Beach

Terry is attempting to bond with Shame, who is looking more freaked out than ever. I’m not sure what role he is attempting to play today, but "serial killer" is the costume. ( He looks scarier than that time he tried to rape Rayanne Graff on My So Called Life.)
Terry is trying to feel him out , looking for a chink in the Casaya block , Shane is just giving him the wild "scary eyes".
The conversation goes like this

T-Bone - Danielle and Austin must be hating life about now ( Who? Oh ya, they’re on Exile Island, I forgot)
Terry - I wonder why Ares picked Danielle over Courtney ?
Shame - Dunno
Terry- I wonder if he thought she could handle herself better
Shame - I Dunno

Shane looks totally confused , like he knows he has to try to mind game Terry here, but he really doesn’t know how. He knows Terry is trying to play him for info , but he has no clue what to say. Terry thinks he is sly , pumping Shame for the final four plan , but it’s not all that sneaky.

Shame - Uhh, you could have the idol... Dude.
Terry - But the idol will only take you so far

Now Shane is really confused, he isn’t sure if Terry just admitted to having the idol or not, and the Casaya, are very afraid of the idol.

Terry - Who would you bet the final four will be?
( Long Pause)
Shane - Me, Ares, Cirie and Courtney
Terry - Good, let’s put 25 bucks on it? Bet that will be the final four?
Shane - Uhh, okay. Dude.

Terry in confessional tells us about his amazing discovery, the one that is gonna win him the game.

T- Dawg - I learned some very important stuff when I was talking with Shane. I learned who is next in their pecking order. ( It’s you Terry, you dumb ass! It’s you and Austin and Sally! LaMina is on the menu. You’re Soylent Green, Dude! )
Terry - Two of theirs are left out of their final four plan. ( That’s because there are SIX of them left, even I can do that math.) If I can swing them over to our side , if I can change their minds, I can totally swing this game.
Ha! Good Luck with that. And wasn’t that your plan last week? How did that work out for your tribe? I don’t see NickWho around here anywhere. Hell, you couldn’t even get that crazy old rock gardening Bruce to switch.
But at least Terry has hope, at least he is trying.

Wranglers Beach

The boat returns to bring back the Breakfast Club, and Shane runs down the beach to meet them , and Cirie wonders aloud if they brought back any bacon.

Cirie - Are they back already? Did they bring any food? I didn’t win, but I’m hungry. I don’t want to think about breakfast, I don’t want to hate them more than I do already. I’m a totally sore loser. I am hanging on their every word while complaining about having to listen to their food stories.

Bruce - I had to eat some of Sally’s bacon.
Sally - I had too much
Bruce - I ate so much it made me dizzy !
Sally - I had like eleventy two slices of bacon!
Bruce - I ate 50 slices of bacon and 12 chocolate croissants!
Sally - Look at my belly!
Shane - Those are some quality problems you got there, ( mimicking them ) " Oh I couldn’t finish my bacon because there was too much. "

Cirie laughs at Shane’s attempt at humor, and Sally wants everyone to look at her swollen belly.
( It’s really swollen , looks like she is pregnant, and she did spend the morning on the wet spot in bed with Bruce and Aries, so you never know).
Speaking of Ares? Where is the Oddman ? He wasn’t seen or heard from in the breakfast bragging scene, so either he was dropping off a load, or he wisely decided not to piss off the hungry folks with stories of amazing gluttony.
Sally - I ate all the bacon in the world. Look, at, my, BELLY!

Night 20 - Skerry Exile Island

Oh fer heck!
I totally forgot all about Dallas and What’s Her Name, there on Exile Island, home of the giant stick monster.
It’s storming, harsh.
Rain, wind, lightening ( I assume thunder, because they go together, but really, I don’t remember hearing any thunder over the roar of Austin and Dani’s whining. )

(This is the part where I was gonna put a really funny song parody of the Gilligan’s Island Theme song. It was going to be utterly hysterical, you were all gonna giggle your asses off. But I got late, and I got lazy. So it would be really nice if you just laughed some right now. Thank you)

Austin and Danielle are miserable, huddling under a blanket in the rain.
It goes like this.

Aus - This sucks.
Dani- Oh my Gawd , this sucks
Aus- This sucks so bad
Dani - This sucks
Aus - OMG , this totally sucks
Dani- We have no fire
Aus- We’re soaked
Dani - This is no fun, it sucks
Aus- Do you suck?
Dani - No!
Aus- That sucks.

Austin tells the camera that being miserable causes people to bond quickly, and that he and Danielle have become very close while huddled under the towel in the rain.

Aus- We’re tight now, we bonded
Dani - I’m so glad I’m here with you
Aus - Let’s be best friends!
Dani - BFF!
Aus & Dani - YAY!

In confessional
Austin - I am so proud of Danielle, we are bonded, we are BFF!
In confessional
Danielle - Austin is my back-up plan

She does understand that in order for him to be a back-up for her, he still has to be in the game, right?

Day 21 - Levi’s 501 Tribe

Terry and Sally are doing chores around camp. She asks if Austin will look for the idol, Terry tells her that life will suck if they don’t have fire. Sally worries that they are down to three, and tells us that they are being picked off , she wonders how they are going to change the game.

Sally - ( to Terry) What happens if Austin and Danielle find the idol? Who gets it them?

(This? Is a very good question. As my Hubby would say this is a " Flaw in the plot." Because what would have happened if the idol was still there? Would they have sent 2 people to Exile at the same time if Terry hadn’t found it? It’s an interesting thought. But if doesn’t really matter much since Terry has been walking around with the idol in his pants all along.)

Terry - I have it.
Sally - What? Are you serious?
Terry - I’m serious as a heartattack. I found it in the first 20 minutes I was exiled. I am amazing. I have it, I’ve always had it. I was born with it!
Sally - But I dug holes out there!
Terry- You wasted your time Sally.

Sally has never been happier! This is what she needed to get her hope back. This was the game changing event she’d been waiting for! She tells us how happy she is.

Sally - It’s a great day! We got the idol! ( No Sal, Terry has the idol, but you go ahead and get your hopes up). We have an Ace in the hole! If Terry wins immunity he can slip me or Austin the idol and save us! ( Did he say he was gonna do that? Because I’m not so sure that is what he has planned.) This is a great day! I’m pumped! ( I would have said " screwed’ but I guess it’s kinda the same thing)

Challenge Beach

Hi Jeff!
Everybody wave at Jeff!
*Waves*

Jeff - Come on in guys, We’re going to bring back Austin and that girl that isn’t Courtney from being exiled. You guys look like shit, how was Exile Island?

Austin- Worse day of my life Jeff
Danielle - It never stopped raining, we were cold.
Jeff - Whatever. Now you have to compete for immunity.
( I love it when Jeff smiles all evil , fear the dimples)

It’s a bigass obstacle course. All 9 try to dig their way under a fence, 6 move on.
Moving on are Sally , Courtney , Shane, Danielle , Austin and Terry ( Cirie never had a chance) , they have to work a brain teaser ( insert joke here) then through a cage, and over some sand hills, the first 3 move on.
Austin, Terry and Sally climb over some water on a rope bridge , and then over some more sand hills, and it’s Sally and Terry to the final.
Are you surprised that Terry is gonna win this? Because if you are, you haven’t been paying attention.
He beats Sally, ( duh) but she stayed up with him pretty good for a little girl in knee socks.
Casaya stands around looking disgusted that Terry kicked their ass again.

Jeff - One of you losers is going home. See ya at Tribal!

Bye Jeff!!
*Waves*

Day 21 - Gitanos Tribe

Danielle is not happy that Areas picked her to go to Exile, in fact she’s pissed about it.

Danielle - WHY! Why me! ( sobbing)
Areas - You’re tough as nails D. I hope you are okay with it, but I chose you because you are so tough, because you are my favorite, it was an honor for me to be able to send you to the skerry island while I ate so much bacon that I saw colors. Did I mention there was a soft bed? It was wet, but when you have 8 chocolate croissants and a pot of coffee you kinda forget that you are uncomfortable. It rained so hard that it diluted my orange juice! I hope you understand Dani, it was an honor for you to be able to represent Casaya on Exile Island , you are the toughest one of us, except for Bruce and he was busy stuffing himself with me at the breakfast. Poor Bruce do you realize that old guy had to eat himself dizzy because Sally is a such a wimp she couldn't even finish her own bacon!
Sally- Eleventy two slices!
Danielle - ( sobbing) Me and Austin, we are bonded for life now! We huddled together under a towel for 2 days. We’re BFF!


We cut to Austin who thinks he is toast. Not winning immunity is the end of him.
Terry thinks he can use the hairy immunity shunken head to bargain with, somehow the immunity idol is going to take, not just him, but his whole scruffy little LaMina tribe to the Final Four.
By the way, " LaMina", meaning small , weak, and girlie , fits them just fine.
The planning session goes like this.

Terry - Are you close with her?
Austin - She doesn’t suck , but we’re BFF!
Terry - Does she wanna be final 5 with us? ( dramatic pause) Us, and the Idol.
Austin - You have it?
Terry - Ya, I have it.
( Cue up " Dangerzone" from Top Gun )
Terry - I want to use the idol strategically to take us to the final 3 . We will lure Dani and Bruce in to our group.

Operation "False Hope" is born!

Austin - We got bargaining chips!
Sally - * giggle*
Terry and Austin start the campaign by lying on either side of Bruce in the shelter, and schmoozing him. They tell him about Shane and the bet, they tell him about the pecking order, they tell him that Aras is pissing on Bruce’s rock garden at night. They tell Bruce that he is not on " The List" with Casaya. They promise him a great deal to final 5. It’s a gift really. How could he refuse.
Bruce - I respect Terry, he respects me.

Casaya tries to decide who to vote out, like they usually do, out in the open. There is no sneaking around, there is no whispering at the snail rock, no sharing of information by the water hole. Nope, these folks just argue right out in the open, in front of their targets.
This time though, Areas and Shame are a little worried. They think Terry has the idol, they think the girls don’t have their backs. Courtney doesn’t think that Terry would give the idol away, but A & S are afraid.
( The hairy little idol came from EXILE ISLAND, the skerry stick monster lives there, what is not to be afraid of?)

It’s time for Austin and T-man to schmooze Danielle now, she is their chance to flip the game. He is going to give her the idol??? What a fricken tool!
Terry - I went to Top Gun school ( cue up "Dangerzone " again) we played volleyball in the sand without shirts. We trusted each other, we used words like honor, and trust, and , ummm , honor. I would never lie to you Danielle, you are BFF with my friend Austin, and we need your vote.
Austin - Terry has the idol! Terry has the idol!
Terry - I am willing to give it to you , you can relax for 11 more days, if you promise to vote with us. I’ll give you THIS! ( He flashes a bit of the idol’s furry little head at her, it could be anything, she could be selling her vote for Scott Tennerman’s pubes).
Terry - Vote with us , you’ll be safe. I’ll give you the little head.
Austin - We are BFF, I let you use the big piece of towel.

Danielle thinks she can change the whole game, she could flop it, she could have power, she could give false hope to others, she could have the little hairy troll head.
( and there is a joke in there, somewhere)

Casaya stratigizes some more.
Aras - Sally goes
Courtney - I don’t agree
Oh the drama!

Austin - Terry, you should give the idol to me or Sally before Tribal, just in case.
Terry - We’ll see what happens

There it is Austin, right there, the moment that you should know that you are toast. All those other times that you thought you were getting voted out, were just practice for this moment. Terry has the immunity necklace, Terry has the immunity troll head, Sally has boobs.
Terry isn’t letting you hold the idol, you won’t be getting your hands on it unless they pass it around at the cast party.
Toast!.

Tribal Council

Have you seen this show before? You probably know how this part goes because it’s always just about the same. I have to say that the tribal council set , gets darker and scarier each season.
Gone are the gumdrop candy forests of the earlier seasons , now it’s all skulls and dead stuff, and spider webs and fire. It’s dark, real dark , though sad to say, not very dramatic.

Areas is nervous, he thinks the idol is here and he is afraid.
Jeff points out that Ares sent Austin and Danielle to Exile . That Dani and Austin were in Hell, while Aras was eating pounds of bacon and pastries. Then Jeff points out that Austin and Danielle had a bonding experience out there on the Island. ( All this talk of bonding, who thinks they " got it on" ? Naw, me neither)

Jeff points out that they are two separate tribes still ( and Jeff hates that shit!) He asks Cirie how they get along around camp. She says they get along fine til it’s time to figure out who to vote for.
Shane is worried about getting voted off, he is afraid of the idol, he is afraid it’s gonna come out.
Jeff talks about the idol some more, just to watch Aras and Shane squirm .
Jeff tells Danielle she is at the bottom of the group, he straight out tells Bruce that the team lied to him and he is going home 6th. What does Shane think about that?
Shane thinks that maybe one of those asses will flop, but not two, it’s impossible for 2 to flip, so he still has the numbers, unless the idol comes out.

Jeff- Terry has immunity, you can’t vote for him. One of you is going home tonight. Now vote.

Austin , Sally and Terry vote for Aras, everyone else votes for Austin ( 6 to 3) .

Jeff - Bring me your torch Austin , unless , you have the Idol.

Austin hesitates, he reaches for his bag , Aries and Shame wet their pants.
He brings his torch to Jeff.
Austin is the first member of the Jury.
And just like a snail they get him out.
First there is an Austin , then there is no Austin, then there is.

Jeff gives that speech about the power shifting to the jury, and how the game changes when you are voting out people who will be judging you, then it's over.

Grab your torches and head back to camp

Next time on Survivor, stupid people do stupid stuff, and Jeff shows his dimples again.

Thanks
~Buggy  ¶ 4:57 PM