Episode Four: The One Where Not Much Happens Worth Commenting On

Strange. I always thought Peppermint Patty was the odd woman out. But no matter. Sally might not be a rocket scientist, but she does know the vote went against her, and she will need to make sure that the “big boys” (her words) know she is valuable. Like, if they had to, they could trade her to the natives for food, something La Mina needs desperately.

Sally might have her work cut out for her. Ruth-Marie is plotting with Dan to make sure she goes all the way. Or something like that. Personally, I think Dan has as much input into the decision making process as Reagan did at the end of his second term. But Ruth-Marie rightly figures she can make a younger woman appeal to Dan and only Dan. And it seems to work, because Dan does talk to the other guys who agree that Ruth-Marie can be final five with them.

Over at Casaya, Shane, Aras, and Bruce are gathering snails, correctly assuming that they don’t have the talent to catch faster prey. Everyone is lying around doing nothing, much to the chagrin of Aras, who proceeds to confront them, most specifically Courtney, about the lack of work. They then bicker and yell insults at each other until the rush into each other’s arms and make love on Shane’s stump.

His sitting stump.

Sorry. For some reason the channel just switched over to Cheers. On Survivor, Courtney tells Aras his concerns are stupid. Aras is willing to lose immunity in order to get rid of her. Cirie, who previously had been told she was the next to go, meaning she is final six at worst, is ecstatic.

Cirie arriving at the challenge.

Okay, reward challenge time. It’s dive-to-release-floating-puzzle-pieces-and-then-arrange-them time, a challenge we haven’t seen in, oh, what – two seasons? But what is the reward? That will be unique, right? Something cool we have never seen before?

Right. What am I thinking?

The reward is a bathroom, complete with sink, toilet, shower, and fresh water. At least we haven’t seen that in, oh, what – two seasons?

I won’t bore you with the details of the challenge. Like most of the previous challenges this season, at least it is another close challenge, with the lead going back and forth until Casaya eventually wins. And in addition to the bathroom, they get to decide who goes to Exile Island. They follow La Mina’s lead and send the perceived (and actual) leader of La Mina, Terry. Terry is off to Exile Island, where he will listen to Exile’s Greatest Hits like Kiss You All Over and Give Me One More Chance and I Don’t Want To Be A Memory and follow the comic book adventures of Blink and the rest of the Exiles as they jump from one reality to another trying to put right the problems of the worlds they encounter and how much of a geek am I for typing that sentence?

Back at La Mina, everyone is sad that Terry is gone. Apparently, Terry has put mind-dampeners on everyone to prevent them from thinking for themselves or working for themselves. Dan wants to make a go of it, but no one else does. They just want to cry. Cry, cry, cry.

Casaya returns to find the bathroom all set up and ready to go. Aras and Shane discuss using the bathroom to keep the wood dry. Meanwhile, Bobby grabs a magazine and heads into the wood storage container, where he promptly proceeds to prove Earl Butz right and, as Bobby says, drop a deuce.

Now, I’m torn. If there really is a problem with keeping wood dry, then maybe using the bathroom for that purpose is a good idea. On the other hand, it is a bathroom. Why can’t you use it for both?

Finally, over at Exile Island Terry, unlike the other two visitors, decides to read the clues provided carefully, think about them, and then act based on this information. You know, I don’t think this thinking rationally and constructively thing is ever going to catch on, at least not on Survivor. But it does pay off for Terry, as he finds his own personal idol (as opposed to finding one’s own Personal Jesus).

Back at Casaya on Day 11, the fire has gone out. Shane and Aras decide to move the fire pit, and Cirie decides to gain points by helping them. Her hard work is noticed. This all leads to a confrontation between Shane and Danielle about contributing at camp. A long confrontation. A long, not particularly exciting confrontation. Did I call this season Survivor Boredom Island? Strike that. Make it Survivor Filler Island. The whole thing is more cause for Cirie cackling.

Okay, IC Time! We have a balance, teamwork, and patience challenge. One person starts the challenge sitting on a chair suspended in the air over a pulley. A second person is in a tower above them beside an empty water drum. The remaining tribe members are tied together in pairs. They will race across a balance beam carrying buckets of water to the tower, where they dump their buckets into another bucket. The person in the tower lifts the bucket and pours it into a drum. The heavier the drum gets with water, the higher the person in the chair is raised until the person is high enough to reach a tribal flag.

The Immunity Challenge layout

I know what you’re thinking. Finally, a challenge where a weak, decimated teammate is a help, not a hindrance. After contemplating using Cirie, Casaya places Danielle in the chair and Cirie on the tower. Bruce and Aras are tied together, as are Shane and Courtney. I’m sure being bound is not a new experience for either of those two. La Mina responds with Ruth-Marie in the chair and Nick in the tower. Sally and Austin are one team with Dan and Terry as the other.

It’s a close competition, and the water drums are filling fast. As we near the end, Shane and Courtney are dumping water into their bucket as fast as they can. Opposite them, Austin has decided that neatness counts and is taking his time to fill his bucket without spilling a drop. If the editing is to be believed, this proves to be crucial, as Casaya is able to raise Danielle before Ruth-Marie goes up for La Mina. Casaya takes the immunity idol, and La Mina gets another fifteen minutes in this week’s episode.

But first things first. Before talking about who must go, the La Minites (La Minions?) ask Terry about his trip. Though they ask if he searched for the idol, they never ask if he found it. And now we know what Paula Jones’ attorneys are doing these days. Since they don’t ask the direct question, he doesn’t provide a direct answer. I don’t know why not though. Why not let everyone know you have the idol? That would mess up game playing as much as springing it on people.

Meanwhile, Sally is doing her best to save her place. She makes a plea to Nick and Austin, and then directly to Terry. Austin also talks to Terry, convincing him that they need Sally’s strength to get through the next few challenges so they can make the merge. Terry tells Dan and Nick, with Dan and Nick trying to change Terry’s mind again. They both think Sally can’t be trusted, that she will side with whoever gives her the best deal come the merge.

Sally preparing to plead her case to Terry.

Right. Like she’s the only one who would do that.

As we go to tribal, it’s left that the decision is still up in the air, but smart viewers know otherwise. And choosy mothers choose Jif, but that’s neither here nor there right now. Now, it’s time for Jeff, not Jif, doing that probsting questioning for which he is known far and wide.

Jeff: So Terry, how was Exile Island?

Terry: I didn’t find the idol. Nope. Didn’t find it. I have no idea what that idol shaped thing is in my bag back at camp, but it’s not the immunity idol that was on Exile Island. I mean is on Exile Island. IS on Exile Island. Cause I didn’t find it. So it has to still be there. On Exile Island. Where I didn’t find any immunity idol buried in a box underneath a “Y” shaped tree branch.

Jeff: Austin, what did you miss most about Terry being gone?

Austin: Well, Terry is laying the ground work for a Tom-Ian relationship with me, and when he isn’t there, there is no one to psychologically abuse me.

Jeff: Sally, you dominated the challenge.

Sally: Damn straight I did, though I do want to give all props to Ruth-Marie for the fine job she did of sitting in a chair. I mean, without her excellent sitting, all the difficult, straining, arduous work I did would have been for naught.

Jeff: Ruth-Marie, what do you offer the tribe?

Ruth-Marie: Did you ever see Summer of 42 Jeff? That’s what I offer Austin and Nick.

Jeff: Austin, make any mistakes out here?

Austin: If you leave off the foolish way I poured the water into the bucket at the challenge today, none.

Jeff: Dan, Nick – I have no desire to speak to either of you.

Dan: No problem.

Nick: I don’t like talking to me either.

Now is the time on Survivor when we vote.

We see Sally voting for Ruth-Marie, and Ruth-Marie voting for Sally. No other votes shown. Probst then does his tallyman dance, and it’s Ruth-Marie going home by a 4-2 vote. As she gets her torched snuff, she blows a kiss goodbye and heads off to good food.

Ruth-Marie’s family moment features several cast members from Deliverance telling her they can’t wait to see her again. And that she has a purty mouth.

And as we fade into the skyline of Vegas, Ruth-Marie says she was underestimated and that she is sad she didn’t win because she wanted to buy herself a new pair of breasts just like Tina did. Oops. My bad. She says she is humbled, cause getting voted out will do that to a person.

Next time on Survivor: La Mina finds something that’s hard to stomach. Zen gardens and the art of pissing off your tribemates at Casaya. Plus, it either rains, or Bobby drops a ton of deuces.

¶ 3:10 PM